Cheerio to whoever may be reading this blog right now! It's been a while since I've posted here. I haven't exactly been bursting with new ideas for poems and other writings. My idea pool has been pretty dry as of late. So I thought I'd just make a random post about life.
Lately I've been going through this interesting thing where I'm really restless at night and procrastinate going to bed. Sometimes there is a logical reason in life why, but many times it still happens for no real serious reason at all. It's a subtle anxious feeling, as if I'm hesitant to let the day end and begin the next. Often it leaves me baffled and restless up till midnight. I'm sure the medical community has some fancy classification for this condition. For me though, my medication has been an older CD called Can You Hear Us? by one of my favorite bands, the David Crowder*Band. On this CD are some beautiful songs, among the best I've ever heard. These lyrics from one song in particular, Obsession, really captures the longing I feel on so many of those nights.
"And I’m so filthy with my sin
I carry pride like a disease
You know I’m stubborn, Lord, and I’m longing to be close
Your burn me deeper than I know
And I feel lonely without hope
And I feel desperate
Without vision
You wrap around me like a winter coat
You come and free me like a bird..."
There have been so many days where I've felt filthy and beaten down in my own mistakes. And so many days when I struggled with feelings and thoughts of all sorts that I didn't even always understand myself. It does leave me in a state of desperation, that leaves me to look to God every time. There are plenty of other sources that I've sometimes tried to look to for comfort, whether it was plunging my mind into the story of a movie or perhaps some new technical article on the latest digital cinema camera. But it never really works. God's been patiently teaching me in this time of life how to rest in Him and find my peace in His presence. And even though it can be a testing process, especially with a fidgety guy like me, we thankfully have the most loving and patient of teachers in Him.
